My goodness. That had to be one of the worst NASCAR races ever, right? Seriously, what are we even doing here?
Normally, I start these weekly chats with a long, thoughtful, creative opening. I know you guys love that, and I apologize for what I’m about to say…
Whatever that was Saturday night at Bristol doesn’t deserve a long monologue. In fact, it doesn’t deserve what I’ve already written, which is about three inches of text (calm down, people!).
But hey, the bills don’t pay themselves, so here I am, forced to discuss a painfully awful NASCAR race.
Which is why we’re calling for help this fourth Monday of September and asking—no, begging!—Danica Patrick to step in. She’s trying to Make America Great Again, but we need her to Make NASCAR Great Again, too.
Save us, Danica! Vroom vroom.
What else? Bubba Wallace got booed into oblivion, Kyle Busch is now NASCAR’s most popular driver—which is crazy—and we’ve got another view of last week’s wreck with Matt Tifft. I might also check in with a WAG or two.
Not certain yet, but I’ve got a feeling. Just a guess!
Oh, and let’s not forget a grumpy Dale Earnhardt Jr. What a treat!
Four tires, some fuel (though it doesn’t matter since no one’s catching Kyle Larson), and a cup of coffee to stay awake through that Saturday night snoozer… Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘I Will Never Forgive NASCAR For This One’ edition – is live!
Nice job, geniuses.
I hope everyone at the shop is thrilled. All you NASCAR big-shots—or should I say woke NASCAR big-shots—satisfied with what you’ve done to the sport?
Check out that video clip above. That’s it. Those are your highlights from Saturday night.
Let’s introduce the new ‘Next-Gen’ car and, instead of giving teams more freedom to make adjustments, we’ll basically hand them a spec car that makes passing impossible, ruins short tracks, and probably makes racing boring as hell, but hey, BLM!
Okay, maybe they didn’t say that last part, but who knows?
This new car stinks. It’s ruined Bristol. It’s wrecking short tracks. Goodyear gave us a terrible tire Saturday, which didn’t help either. So, this isn’t all on NASCAR.
But it’s mostly on NASCAR.
First, you moved Bristol from its usual late-summer date, which annoyed me right away. Dumb. Then, you turned what was always one of the best, most exciting races on the schedule for decades into one of the worst in history. Dumb, again!
Kyle Larson led all but 50 laps Saturday night…of a 500-lap race. Passing was impossible. The tires were terrible. No tire fall-off, meaning once you got fresh Goodyears, you were set for a while. Maybe an hour. Maybe two.
No drama, no late-race caution, no bump-n-run…nothing. Zero. Zip. Just Kyle Larson winning by a mile over Chase Elliott, and a bunch of angry NASCAR fans…and angry wives!
